1/29/11- Please don't let this be

Since my beta number were not doing what they were supposed to and were actually slowing down, I got a call from the nurse basically tell me that there was a good chance I would miscarry. She was so blunt in describing each scenario and explaining that I have to be prepared for the pregnancy to end. Great.

That night, we had tickets to the Royal Rumble. Almost as soon as we got to the Garden, I started to spot. No !! Please please please don't let this be happening !!! There I was, in a public bathroom starting to bleed. I lost it. When I got back to our seats, I just couldn't deal with it. Not only was I bleeding but I actually passed a good sized clot. The main event hadn't even started so I felt bad about leaving. Jay saw how upset I was ( I didn't want to tell him everything just yet and get him all worked up) so he said it was no big deal if we left early. He would just stream the main event when we got home. So, we did. Once we got to our car, I told him my fears. Our entire ride home was almost in silence. Then, the Scorpions song 'Wind of Change' came on and we just both started singing along, practically in tears.

I called the nurse the next day to explain what was going on. She had me come in again for another blood test. If my number went down, it was over. The wait was the worst ever!

When the nurse finally called, I was so scared to pick up the phone. Holy cow, my numbers practically tripled ! The nurse went on to explain that she was pretty sure that the way my numbers slowed down and then I started to bleed meant that I had lost one of them. :( The whole time I only had thought that one had "taken" but now I know that they both successfully implanted but that I lost one. After describing the clot I passed, she was sure that was the beginning of the 2nd sac. ::sigh::

Tuesday 1/25/2011- A day I will never forget

On a whim, I decided to POAS before work. When I got out of the shower and picked up the HPT, I saw the faintest 2nd line, but it was there ! I was shaking, crying ( happy tears) and laughing. I was trying to keep my composure to surprise the husband.

When I got out of the bathroom, I decided to tell him that I was thinking about testing. He said that he thought I should wait a couple of days because he thought it was too early. So, off I went to the bathroom and fished the HPT out of the trash. I showed it to him and asked 'Do you see a 2nd line????" He said he saw it but barely. I tried explaining the whole 'a line is a line' thing but he wasn't 100% convinced. I think he just didn't want to set himself up for a huge disappointment. Unbeknown to me, while at work, he was off googling away and realized I was right.

On my way to work, I decided to stop off at CVS to grab a digital. That would tell me one way or another with no need for interpreting anything. My original plan was to wait until I got home from work and do it then. I had a very busy day at work with meetings basically all day. On one of our breaks, I decided what the heck and took the HPT into the ladies room with me. I POAS and tucked it back into the wrapper and went back to my desk. As soon as I took it out, I started to shake. There it was, the word "PREGNANT" staring back at me !!!! I had prepped myself for it to be negative by saying how early it was and how digitals were less sensitive. I then proceeded to call my nurse and BEG her to let me have the blood test early. Why should I wait until Sat ?!?!?

1/26/11 - Testing out the trigger

I have been testing out my trigger each day since my embryo transfer. The way to test it is to do a HPT. Once it comes back negative, the HCG is out of your system so that you know that any + after that is a true positive.
Well, today it was negative. 8dp3dt. My first beta ( blood test) is not scheduled until Sat . Jan 29th ( 14dp3dt). How will I wait that long ?!?!?

1/15/11- ET day

The day after the retrieval, I received a phone call saying that out of the 12 eggs, only 5 were fertilized :( Since it was such a low %, they pretty much guaranteed I would have a 3 day transfer.  The only bright side? The 3dt would end up falling on a Saturday. Not only would that mean I wouldn't have to call out of work but it also made it so that I could take it easy the following day as well.


So, here we were on the 15th, laying in bed. At 9am I get the call that I would have to go into Boston for 1pm for my transfer. Time to start chugging water !

What a difference 3 days make ! You would never know we got over a foot of snow dumped on us just a couple of days before !

In order to go into the OR, he had to wear this funny outfit :).


Now, back to the water chugging. Everyone that knows me knows that I am physically unable to hold my bladder. It has always been very weak. It has been a running joke at how I know where every ladies room is located in the Magic Kingdom. Just trying to hold 16 oz of water is very painful yet here I am trying to hold more. I can't even breathe without practically peeing myself. Since the doctor is running behind schedule, they let me "let some out' ever so ofter. Ahhhh, that feels better.

When I am finally taken back to the OR, I feel like I am about to burst. However, when they check my bladder, it's not even half-way full. I try to explain how I have a weak bladder and thus cannot hold a lot but they don't care. So, they say they need to fill it. I thought that would mean that they would make me chug water but nope, out comes the catheter ! I could feel them filling my bladder and it was the.worst.pain ever ! Oh, at this point I am basically laying upside down. They have me on the table with my legs up and spread and then tilted the table so that my head is lower than the rest of me. So, there I was with my business all up in the air and on display and ready to pee all over them ( I actually warned them it may happen). They took their sweet old time inserting the embryos into the tube, putting them in me and then verifying they were in. I told them that my bladder was about to burst so they told me that as soon as they made sure the embies were in, I could pee. I warned them that I would 'take off running' as soon as they gave me the go-ahead. I did just that. The nurse was kind enough to make sure no one was in the bathroom and I literally ran out of the room and across the hall to pee. Ahhhh, such a great feeling !

Here are the pics of the embies they put back in :)

 

Ok, so I don't know how to rotate the pic yet but oh, well.

I was told that if any of the other 3 were still alive and kicking by Monday, they would freeze them for future use. Unfortunately, none made it :(. I not had to start my PIO injections each night (in the butt)

1/12/2011- ER Day!

Of course the day of my retrivel happens to end up having a huge blizzard. Since my company decided to close for the day, at least I do not have to worry about calling in sick. We already have a foot of snow on the ground and cannot make it out of the driveway. Great. Instead of risking driving in the snow (both ourselves driving and worrying about the other drivers), we decide to take the train into Boston.

It was a fairly quick train and subway rid into the city. Neither the train nor subway were affected by the blizzard. There is a T stop right across from the MGH so we just had to cross one street. These are some pics taken from the 10th floor of MGH (the floor the fertility center is on).

 Here I am reading my book while waiting to be called in.

 Shortly after this pic was taken the anesthesiologist came in to start my IV. They took me into the operating room, transferred me to the table and that was about all I remember. They were able to retrieve 12 mature eggs ! Woo-hoo !

1/5/2011- 5 Days In

Today will be the 5th day of stimming with Gonal-F & Repronex. I do not yet "feel" anything in my overies so I hope it's working ! I had my first monitering appointment yesterday. I had 7 follicles on my left side and 20 on my right ! My E2 ( estrogen) level was 108. I go back tomorrow to get checked again. It looks like I will be going every-other-day, now, until I trigger.

 

I'm not going to lie, my stomach is in pain. The Lupron shots were a breeze but these others are not fun at all. The worst part is that they end up creating a red welt. I'm so glad that it is not the summer as I would not be seen in a bathing suit with all these red welts on my stomach ! Not only do they look bad, but they hurt like hell ! Even just accidently brushing my hand against my stomach causes them to hurt. The wort part? Because of the size of the welts, there isn't much room left for the injections. I end up having to either use a spot twice ( once for the Lupron & then the stimms) which end up making it tough to inject, or I have to inject something into one of the welts. OUCH!

 

It pains me to think that so many women can get pregnant naturally ( or accidently) and here I am having to cause myself pain in order for a 50% chance. If you poll the women out there with kids, they will all say that they want their babies. I understand that. However, this child will be the most wanted one ever ! If I am willing to do all this to bring them into this world, I hope they always know just how much both their father and I want them and just how much they are loved. Heck, I am not even pregnant yet and already love my child that is not even there yet.

 

Ok. Back to work. I'll update in a few days as to my progress.

10/15/2010- Brief Background

We have been trying for a baby for some time now. In May 2010, I decided that I could not stay at my place of employment any longer as it was an extremely unhealthy environment. I moved to another company and low and behold, they had some Infertility coverage ! I am also very lucky that there is a Reproductive Endocrinologist in the Outpatient Center in the next building over.I made an appointment for the beginning of June to start our testing and discuss our options.

 

We went through the whole battery of tests ( u/s, b/w, HSG, SA, etc) and it came back that my thyroid was the culprit. I was diagnosed as hypothyroid several years ago, so it did not come to that big of a surprise. Not many people realize that your thyroid gland regulates almost every function of your body. If it is too fast or too slow, it can not only cause miscarraiges but also prevent pregnancy in the first place.

 

I was originally having my PCP treat my hypothyroid issues but I did not feel like they were doing a good job. After some research, I found a very good endocrinologist that was not too far from my work. Note: I had been going to an endo. before but switched to my PCP when he shut his business down as he was being accused of murder.

 

This new doc is very "on the ball." She knows everything there is when it comes to thryoid problems and infertility. She has been monitering me very closely and my thyroid is now in a normal range. Also, she was the first doctor to test me for anti-thyroid hormones. The test came back positive for Hashimotos which basically means my body is attacking my thyroid gland (as it thinks it's a foreign object) thus causing it to slow down.

 

After the doctor determined the primary cause of my infertility, we started treatment. I started with clmiid + ovidrel ( trigger shot) + IUI. It did not work. Not only that, but the high dose of clomid caused my endrimitriol lining to become too thin. Also, at this same time, my TSH level skyrocked in 2 weeks. They are unsure if it was just a freak occurance or related to the medications. Because of this, we had to take a break to get my thyroid under control. It was so frustrating to finally have an answer and a plan, only to have to take a break.

 

After a month break, my TSH was just borderline normal. Since we did not want to waste a "chance" or the money, we decided to do a lower dose of clomid & TI. This did not work either. At this point, my thryoid was under control. I met with the actual RE to discuss another game-plan. She wanted to only do 1 to 2 more IUIs ( depending on the response) before moving onto IVF. The IUIs cost appx $1K and had a 6% chance of working. IVF is far more expensive ( appx $10K-$15K) but have a 50% chance of sucess. So, we went for another IUI. I stayed at the lower dose ( due to my lining issues at the higher dose) but was not responding well. I was threatened with canceling my cycle when my overies decided to actually do something. I was not all that surprised when this IUI did not work. So, now we were stuck as a rock in a hard place. The higher dose caused my lining to be too thin and the lower dose caused my overies not to respond too well. At this point, it was recommended that we move right onto IVF.